Hey Lovelies! We’ve made it to FRIDAY! Hope you all had a great week, I had a pretty good week and an even better weekend planned so colour me excited!!
Today I want to write about something that is really important in my life and in the life of my family and that is positive attitude.
I got a call from my younger sister recently and she was so excited about her new epiphany she had. She had moved to a new country to study about a year ago and had been struggling to get settled. She struggled with life there and couldn’t wait to leave at every chance she got. About 3 months ago she said something began to change in her, she began to look at her attitude to life there and found herself making unconscious changes in the way she approached certain things and was amazed at the results. She felt like a newer, happier, and positive version of herself and could not believe how much one change could affect her.
I needed to know what and how she did that and she was so happy to share.
1. Identifying the toxic relationships in your life - She told me, the biggest change she made was identifying and getting rid of the toxic relationships in her life. This was particularly difficult as over time you get used to these toxic friends, learn how to manage them and grow subconsciously dependent on them. Most times they are quite difficult to identify and breaking away from them can be equally hard. Some signs that you are in a toxic relationship - unspoken competition, jealousy inciting friends, needy friends, the friend that uses you to feel good about themselves, friends who never consider your feelings but prioritise theirs, friends that use you as a dumping ground for their problem or friends that are addicted to gossip and hating. “
2. Identify unhealthy attitudes - My sister added that Post friend detox she began to realise just how much negative attitudes were affecting her. Attitudes like cynicism, hating and being pessimistic which she never noticed because her friends acted like it was the norm and she never saw a problem with it. She decided to make a conscious effort to change her thinking and attitude.
3. Get Over Yourself! -Getting rid of the toxic friends freed her up to spend more time at Uni, something she never did. The thing about toxic friendships is that most times you don’t see the effects until its too late. Getting rid of these toxic people is very similar to a body detox and its not easy, you will have withdrawals, you will be tempted to go back due to the fear of being alone or not finding another friend. Stay the course and change your life for good or go back and continue being unhappy.
“One day I stayed back after class and hung out with one of my lecturers. Some other students would come and talk to her and I would just stare at my phone cause I was so shy to even look up. She saw me doing this, turned to me and just said ‘Get Over Yourself’. Those words have been on repeat in my head since that day. Before I would over think things and be just so concerned with what other people thought of me. Now I just do!” – Le Sis
She said she went into Uni one day and while in the past she would ignore everyone and only hang out with her friend, or sit in the corner, this time people actually just started coming up to her and just started talking to her. People that she hated for no reason and people she never ever thought she would speak to. She noticed how friendly and nice her course mates were. She decided to stay back after class and got chatting with a people from her course andfound out just how brilliant they all were. One of them was had a book deal and was publishing a cookbook, another got an internship with a major broadcasting company, and one had so much in common with her that it shocked her. “I remember leaving Uni that day, I just couldn’t stop smiling, I just remember feeling a thousand times lighter just because I got over myself and got involved”. – Le Sis
4. Be Encouraging - A lot of people struggle to give compliments and encouragements but when you identify and get rid of unhealthy attitudes you have to replace them with healthier attitudes. Being an encourager is one of the best attitudes you can have as it strengthens and helps people around you and makes you happy as well. Nothing can replace the feeling you get when you see someone's eyes light up with hope after you have said something nice to them. Most people assume people around them don't need any encouraging or compliments and think 'they probably hear this a lot so why bother', or their picture on social media has many likes or comment so I won't like or write something nice to them. If you don't make the effort to encourage and compliment people around you will find unhealthy attitudes will start creeping in so beware.
I hope this article helps you identify and make the necessary changes in your life. Breaking up with a friend is very hard but staying with a bad friend is worse and will be a constant stumbling block in your life, stopping you from achieving your goals, dreams and living up to your full potential. Also don't expect change in your life without making changes in your attitude and thinking.
And how is my sister getting on? She’s happier, Her grades have improved (now a straight A student') she getting more involved in Uni projects and is extending her course and her stay in the new city. Great improvement right?!?
Anyways guys I hope this leaves you with something to ponder on, are you or have you been in a toxic friendship, how did you realize and friend detox? I would love to hear from you.
Have a great weekend
Love Nemi xx